Musings of a Solitary Woman

Kevan has left me . . . but just to return to Utah to perform maintenance on our home there as we are in between renters. He will be off island (look at me, I'm a native!) for an entire month. We have not been apart for this long in 14 years. What's even worse is the fact that since I started school in 2005, I have not attended any domestic duties . . . not one! I haven't cooked, laundered clothes, gone grocery shopping, paid bills, or cleaned the house. Even more startling is the fact that I know nothing about the day-to-day operation of our life here in Tinian. I go to the hospital in the morning, come home for lunch, return to the hospital, return for dinner, and then count the minutes until I am called back to the hospital for an emergency. That is my life. I have no idea what food is available here, except for Zhing who sells me fantastic fresh produce at the hospital. Now that rainy season is over, the vegetables are growing great and there is a much greater variety. I do know where Kevan does the laundry, but have only helped with that task once. I pay my own student loans but nothing else. Until Kevan left two days ago, I did not know the pin number to our bank account.

What is most interesting is the fact that when Kevan and I got married 32 years ago today (yes, it's our anniversary and Kevan is in Utah and I'm on Tinian), we made the deal that Kevan would work while I stayed home and raised our family and then once that was complete, he could pursue his passion for writing and I would enter the work force to support us. Never did I imagine at that time that my dream of being a medical provider (spelled "physician assistant") would ever be fulfilled, but here I am. Well the dream came true and so did the transition. For someone who was the quintessential stay-at-home Mom who was able to manage 5 kids who were a total of 6 years apart and all that goes with managing a home as well as staying sane, the transition of swapping roles is complete. Kevan is now the total stay-at-home manager while I go to work only to return home exhausted while he takes care of me. I mean I am totally a house slug . . . I come home simply to collapse on the couch and stare. Never do I lift a finger to help my poor caretaker. I do try to be loving and attentive and compliment him and appreciate him, but I don't even do "my" part and take out the trash.

So I'm alone. Kevan left me food in the fridge, a bit of cash for essentials, and a list of things to do. He even did laundry so that I might be able to last until he returns home. I get up and eat cereal, eat a peanut butter sandwich for lunch and peanut butter and soup for dinner. Last night I did have leftovers and a salad that he left for me in the fridge.

The first night he was gone I ended up spending most of the night in the hospital with an emergency and then the next day struggling to stay alert and awake at work. I am very lucky to have magnificently talented nurses who have my back. They are always there to remind me quietly that "you might not want to do that." I'm not often THAT tired at work, so when I realized I wasn't much good at the hospital during clinic hours I came home and took a nap.

So here I am on my own and off I went on my scooter to see a patient this evening. I didn't know it was raining, so I was soaked by the time I got there. The throttle got stuck on my scooter and I almost ran into the building and to top it off, I ran out of gas on the way home and had to push/scoot my way home. Guess that's why they're called scooters. Okay, so I'm totally humiliated and completely useless as anything other than a physician assistant these days.

So to my dear sweet long-suffering husband, Happy Anniversary. Thirty-two years is a pretty long time, and I wouldn't trade any of it for all the "tea in China." Of course these days, isn't it rice and corn that are as precious as gold?

The one thing I am good at these days is being a physician assistant. I am feeling good about what I'm doing these days. There's nothing better than looking at an EKG and seeing a patient in heart block, being able to identify it and sending them off for definitive care. Or to have a patient come in and realize they are in thyrotoxicosis (a highly overactive thyroid) who is actually psychotic and sit with them and treat them medically until the psychosis resolves. Or treating a 14-year-old lovely young girl whose face is absolutely decimated by atopic dermatitis and in 5 days make it all go away and see her wonderful, beautiful smile. (More on this in another blog entry. This young lady has given me permission to share her story and pictures on this blog as she wants other young teenagers to know that there is always hope with treatment). I always joke with my family that I had to expunge my brain of all my homemaker mind in order to fill it with all this new information, so perhaps that explains my inability to do home-management tasks while I can now treat patients. If so, I suppose the tradeoff is worth it.

The other news is that I will soon be having PA students here on Tinian. I have been asked by two PA programs to precept their students. The details are not yet complete but I will hopefully be done with all the paperwork soon. I am quite looking forward to this new challenge. There is no better medicine anywhere, so I believe students will be well served in their rotations here.

The good news is that after 3 days I'm still alive and it's almost the weekend - oh, never mind, I'm on call for the next 8 days, so I guess the weekend doesn't exist. I have, though, been invited to both a wedding and a baby christening on Saturday but both are at 11 AM. Not certain how I'm going to attend both, but I'll try to get pictures since Kevan's gone and our readers are going to wonder what's going on! I'll try to fill some of the void, although forgive me for not being as prolific as he.

For now, good night all and Happy Anniversary my sweet Kevan. It's been a fabulous 32 years and I look forward to the next 32.